Ever thought of being in love forever? I do….Or at least I did.
10 years with this man who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. 10 years of smiles, laughter, sorrow and fights. Thought it’ll never end, thought we will grow and come out stronger. At least I thought, at least I did or so I think.
I stared at this ring in my finger, so pretty so shiny but no meaning, no nothing, no emotions, no purpose and I thought to myself this isn’t worth it.
Marcus came home late today, I’ve made dinner to celebrate my recent promotion. He promised he will come home in time, but I wasn’t surprised, I saw it coming. When he arrived he apologised profusely. He said he was about to pack up but his boss asked him to do something about work. I wasn’t buying it.
I knew all along that Marcus has been having an affair with someone. I saw it with my very own eyes, I saw how happy he was with this woman, that type of happiness that I’m afraid I cannot give him anymore.
“Come, have a sit” I said, and he did. I removed my ring placed it in the table and pushed it towards him. He looked baffled and he looked at me.
“What’s this Belinda?” He asked. I just smiled, my tears welling up.
“I know Marcus, I know there’s no US anymore”
“What do you mean? Are you leaving me?” He asked
I looked at him and the anger and that pain that I was suppressing the whole time is slowly slipping out and with all my might I said…
“You have left me already Marcus, you have left me since you’ve met Natalie”
The colour on his face slowly drained, he was trying to find words but nothing came out.
“Tonight, this was my very last hope, the last hope that you still love and care for me, but no, I knew it all along that all love was gone. You know why? The way you look at her, you used to look at me that way, the way you run to her, you used to run to me that way, the way you embrace her, you used to embrace me that way and the way you kissed her, you used to kiss me that way.”
Tears just fell while looking at him, it pains me to hear what I just said but it gave me huge relief seeing this unravel in front of him. Marcus just stayed quiet and just uttered the word SORRY which to me means nothing.
I told him that I’ll be leaving the house tonight and will come back tomorrow to pack my things. I left and went to my parents house, I have announced to everyone that our engagement is off. My mother-in-law rang me and wondered why. I told her everything and she has apologised on behalf of her son. I told her she doesn’t need to apologise because it is not her own doing.
The next day, I went back to our used to be home, Marcus was there as if waiting for me to come home.
“Shouldn’t you be at work right now?” I asked
“No, I took the day off, I was waiting for you to come home” he said
I told Marcus that this isn’t my home anymore. I have no reason to call it home, there’s nothing for me here anymore apart from the memories that we’ve built since moving together.
Marcus then blurted “I have break things off with Natalie”
“Then what Marcus? Do you think by leaving her things will get better?”
“I know I fucked up, I didn’t know it’ll end up like this”
“You didn’t know? Didn’t know that you’ll fall in love? What are you trying to say, that you just wanted to taste someone else? Then come back to me when you’ve had your fill? Is that it? And you think nothing is wrong at all?”
I stormed to the bedroom then Marcus follows
“Belinda, I love you”
“You do? Oh well not news anymore to you! I love you too but I want to love ME more Marcus!”
“That’s it? You’ll just give up on us?”
“Don’t give me that crap! YOU gave up on us the moment you decided to hook up with another woman! Don’t you dare say I didn’t try to win you back! 2 years I have stayed knowing that you are seeing another woman behind my back! 2 fucking years that I blindly just loved you! 2 fucking years Marcus! I did literally everything I could to get us back to how we used to, but it seems it wasn’t enough. I was not enough for you”
Marcus didn’t say anything, I caught a glimpse of guilt in his face, he knew that he literally just lost it all.
I grabbed all my things and stuffed them all in the suitcase. Marcus grabbed my hand but I shrugged it off.
As I walked out of the room I saw Natalie standing at the front door, her eyes were bloodshot and looked like a mess.
I just walked pass her and said you can now have him. She then stopped me and said sorry, I turned around and told her if she knew that he was engaged she could have backed off. But if she didn’t then I might feel sorry for her.
Natalie then said that she knew, but couldn’t help herself from falling for him. She said she came today to apologise and to say that Marcus loved me. I stopped, turned around, looked her in the eyes and said..
“Oh yeah? “Loved?” Sure! He did loved me…. Until he met you. Listen, don’t give me that crap! I don’t need it!”
I walked out of the house, drove home to my parents and sobbed my heart out. I was overwhelmed, pained, is as if my heart is being shredded and I thought to myself…
10 years.. 10 years that I can never take back, 10 years for this, 10 years….
To be continued